Testing

Late last night I went to the 24 hour CVS for some ice cream and home pregnancy tests (HPT). I have been thinking (obsessing) about taking a home pregnancy test for the past few days. Last night I had another one of my crazy dreams and in it I took a HPT and it was positive. I have been googling and re-googling how long the HCG trigger shot stays in your system and trying to calculate if a HPT would even pick up anything at this point anyways. Basically, I've been making myself go nuts.

August 2nd was the start date of my new cycle (29 days ago)
August 17th was my trigger shot (14 days ago)
August 18th was my first IUI (13 days ago)
August 19th was my second IUI (12 days ago)
September 2nd is my scheduled blood test (2 days to go)

I have read several places that the HCG stays in your system for about 10 days, maybe 12 so I am pretty sure that that is out by now. The only variable is that maybe not enough time has gone by for a test to pick up anything that might be there to pick up. The box says "test up to 6 days before your missed period". I made sure to buy the most expensive ones at the store. The problem is I am too scared to take one. I know that taking one or not taking one will not change the result but I'm just scared. Usually I can't wait to know things. I hate surprises. But for this I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I thought about it again this morning when I woke up and quickly dismissed the question of whether or not to test - I told myself that either it hadn't been long enough for the HCG to get out of me or it hadn't been long enough for anything to show up. Either way, I couldn't do it. Tomorrow is another day - maybe I'll try then. I have three tests and I think I will definitely take one the morning of my blood test (Thursday) and maybe the day before. We'll see.