Still Nothing

Sooo... My third ultrasound on Sunday showed the same as before. Absolutely nothing. They upped my dose of Follistim again, this time to 92 units and I am doing that every night until my next visit on Thursday. We will see on Thirsday if this dose does anything. I am not hopeful... This is turning into such a long cycle. If things had gone as planned meaning if my ovaries had cooperated with the Femera I would be at the tail end of my 2WW about now. Instead I am still waiting for follicles to grow.

Take a look at my fridge, especially my cheese drawer filled with meds :) I just think it is funny



I just want this cycle to be over so I can start with IVF. I really have no hope that this cycle will be successful. We are meeting with Dr. R on Monday to discuss our next steps if this cycle fails and to talk about IVF. I am looking forward to that, not so much anything else this cycle though...

Still No Follicles

So I had my second monitoring appointment this morning and I am still without a mature follicle. This time the Dr. said that there were none over 10 but about 50 less than 10 on each ovary. He increased my dose of Follistim to 75 units per day for the next three days and I will go in on Sunday to see if that helped any. I am getting to be a pro at the Follistim injections. Last night I did one in the bathroom at Barnes & Noble.

This is the most frustrating cycle so far because it seems like nothing is happening but I feel oddly at peace with it all.

Also, I haven't been to my fertile yoga class in over 2 weeks. I've had very busy weekends and just haven't been able to get there. I am missing it and hopefully I'll get to go on Saturday and see what's up with all the ladies in the class.

Headaches

I have had a headache since yesterday morning. I had a few while taking the Femera too. Normally I do not get headaches often (maybe once every few months). I am assuming that these headaches are a side effect of the medication. I don't want to take Advil because I am afraid of any possible interactions (maybe this is stupid) so I have been trying to tough it out but I am starting to feel like I can't think straight because my head has been hurting for so long...

Shots

Sooo last night was my second Follistim injection. I decided to be a big girl and do it totally on my own. Seriously, I never thought I would say this but... it was no big deal. It didn't even really hurt.

When I did the injection (I am supposed to inject 50 units) I thought I pushed the plunger and got it all in but when I finished as I was going to take the needle off, I realized that I must not have pushed the plunger in all the way so I had to inject myself a second time to get the rest of the medication in.

I feel a little bit like a pro. I know these are the easier of the fertility injections and I have heard that some of them really hurt but Follistim is really not one of those. As you can see the needle is pretty tiny...



The one thing I was thinking as I injected fertility medication into my stomach last night was 'people really get pregnant without doing all this?' I know it is true and infact it is the norm but this baffles me since it has been such a different story for us.

I have one more injection tonight before my monitoring appointment on Thursday morning. I hope my little size 11 follie is growing. If it is ready I will get my Ovidrel injection at the office and have IUIs on Friday and Saturday. If not I will go home and do additional Follistim injections until the Dr. says it is time to trigger.

Follistim Pen

So last night was my first of three nightly injections using the Follistim Pen. I am not going to lie, I was pretty nervous about doing them. Dialing up the correct dosage and putting on the new needle is really no big deal but sticking a needle into my stomach and pushing the plunger is not something I get really excited about.

When I was younger, and, admittedly, up until probably last year, I would cry when I had to get my blood drawn and I would avoid shots as much as I was able to. I have never gotten a flu shot and basically tried to avoid immunizations as much as possible. When I was younger (I feel bad for my mother) I would honestly throw a fit when I had to get any kind of a needle. I have now gotten used to the weekly and sometimes more frequent blood draws but doing it to yourself is a different story I think. So basically what I am trying to say is that I NEVER thought I would be at a place or in a situation where I would be willing or able to give myself an injection. Ahhh how things change.

Giving myself an injection is still not easy (the anxiety before is, i think, the worst) but I have now done it twice, granted they have been tiny needles but still, come on.

At least two more Follistim injections and one Ovidrel injection are in my near future I just hope this cycle works or all these injections will seem like cake if I have to go the IVF route...

No Follicles :(

I went for my morning monitoring appointment this morning and when they did the ultrasound they found no mature follicles. I did have one follicle on my right ovary that was at 11 (and lots of other tiny ones - thanks PCOS) but nothing even big enough to be a maybe.

The Dr. suggested that we add some injectible medication to see if that will make my follicles grow sooo for the next three days I get to inject myself with 50 units of Follistim. Here it is:



My nurse gave me a lesson about loading the needles and dialing up the medication. The injections will be similar to the Ovidrel injection that I have taken on the past two cycles as a "trigger". The medication is pre-loaded in the "pen" and I dial up the correct dosage and load a new needle and inject the medication into my stomach.

I am also scheduling my IVF consult with Dr. R during my 2WW. At least it will give me something to do while I wait this time and if this cycle is not successful we will know where we are going.

Right now I am hoping for a Follistim miracle and that on Thursday I will have lots of mature follies. If they are ready I will have IUIs on Friday and Saturday.

End of Femara

Last night was my last dose of Femara. They are such tiny little pills and I have had absolutely no side effects. Looking back on things I think Clomid made me a little extra emotional but other than that no side effects from that either. I just feel normal.

My Ovidrel injection is being delivered today to my sister's office. Since I have made the decision not to share my IF treatment with anyone at my office and since the injection needs to be signed for and refrigerated I had to figure something out. The first time my sister Cori stayed at home and waited all day for my injection to be delivered. The 2nd time and today my other sister Emily signs for and refrigerates my injection at her office. My sisters are just great don't you think?

This is my last IUI cycle covered by insurance. If this does not work we are on to IVF so last night was my last night of taking oral fertility meds. Scary.

My monitoring appointment is scheduled for Monday and hopefully we will do IUIs at some point next week. Last cycle I was ready to trigger my first monitoring appointment but I took longer the first cycle. I am planning on having to wait a little longer this time just from what I have read about using Femara - though I would be pleasantly surprised if we could just do it on Monday. It is so much easier to have the nurse give the injection than to have to do it at home on your own.

From what I have read about Femara it usually takes longer for the follicles to develop and there may be less than if you were on Clomid but I have heard that the quality of the follicles are better.

Here's hoping that sometime next week I have at least one (hoping for two) perfect follicle(s).

Take Three

I went in this morning for my baseline ultrasound and blood work. Everything looks good and I am clear to move forward with this round of treatment. On Saturday I will start taking 2 Femara pills a night for 5 nights and I will go for my second monitoring appointment on Monday the 18th hopefully with IUIs to follow on the 19th and 20th. My Ovidrel injection is ordered and will come on Thursday next week. I have read that sometimes people are slower to respond to Femara so I am not putting too much confidence on those dates but for now that's what I've got.

Here we go again...

Starting Over

Tomorrow will be my CD1 and I am ready to get things going again though I am not excited like I was the last two times. I guess I am a little jaded but still holding on to a little hope that maybe, just maybe something will work out right this cycle.

I will go in for my ultrasound on Friday morning and I think I will start Femara Saturday evening.

I was confused about a bunch of things yesterday about why this has not been working and about the switch of medication so I emailed my nurse. Ever since switching nurses (because my original one went out on maternity leave) I feel badly about emailing with so many questions so I hadn't really but I just had so much running through my mind that it was good to get it out and get some answers.

One more cycle and then it is on to IVF if this one doesn't work. Not getting my hopes up too high, trying to protect myself a little bit from the devastation that negative results have caused...

Negative again

I got the call from my RE office this afternoon that confirmed what a HPT yesterday told me. This cycle was a bust. No June baby for us. I am so frustrated, not sure if that word or any can really properly express the emotions. The days since Saturday have been really hard for me. Though I resisted taking a HPT until Sunday morning, on Saturday I went to a one year old's birthday party. I left in tears.

I was actually quite proud of myself for holding it together through the whole party even with all the kids and babies running around and the 3 pregnant mothers...I broke down trying to say goodbye to the hostess (who is 5 months pregnant with her 3rd). She couldn't have been nicer and said to me she was sorry for all the baby talk, that she knew that was hard for me (since she had IVF for her 1st child. I couldn't stop the tears as I told her it was ok. Obviously it was not ok. It sucked.

I feel isolated, angry, guilty and generally awful.

In the message that my RE nurse left for me she told me that my Dr. wants to change the medication I take for this cycle. Instead of Clomid they will prescribe something called Femara. I googled it and found out that it is a medication used to treat certain types of breast cancer but that is often prescribed for ovulation induction off label use. I haven't really been able to do any more online research about that drug or talk to my nurse since I am at work but I have so many questions running through my mind.

I wonder why the change in medication, I thought that Clomid made me ovulate so why the different medication? Is it stronger? If they want a stronger reaction from my ovaries why not do injectables? Will this medication (since it is being prescribed off-label) be covered by insurance? All of the medications are starting to add up and I have been trying to save up for my $2,500 annual deductible as well.

Also, I have been concerned because of my hubby's low post-wash counts. It won't do me any good to ovulate like a superstar if there aren't enough swimmers... Shawn and I have talked about it and although obviously we aren't experts it seems to us like we should just switch to IVF. We both feel like we are wasting our time with IUIs and really want this to happen... Not that I want to inject myself 3x a day but I do really want a successful pregnancy.

I feel isolated because I feel like no one understands what I am going through. Even my friend who went though IVF got pregnant on her first round of treatment. I am now looking at my third. There has been a lot of anticipation and even more disappointment. People make stupid comments thinking that they are being helpful and they are just not. These people really just make me more upset.

This is definitely a new low for how I am feeling. Hope things turn around soon.