Growing Follicles

Last night I took my last dose of 100mg Clomid for this cycle. Hopefully my follicles are cooperating and growing at this very moment. Last cycle I ended up with one mature follicle. This time I am hoping for two. I know that I am still taking the same dose of medication but I guess I am hoping that my body realizes what I am trying to get it to do and maybe that there is a little left over in my system from the prior cycle. I have heard of women who take a break and get pregnant since there is still some Clomid left in their system which causes them to mature a follicle and ovulate. I don't want to get my hopes up too high but I always felt like September would be my month. I had a sneaking suspicion that the first round was not going to work and that the second time around would be the one. I really hope so.

As time goes on in treatment I have found that it just gets harder emotionally. I know I am only in the beginning of my second round but seriously, this is hard stuff to deal with. I'm not sure how women do it so long and then, on the other hand, I can't imagine stopping until I get what I came for. I am already so invested, physically, emotionally and financially that I feel like once you really get going there should be no turning back.

I have had a really hard couple of weeks, ever since the negative phone call. I have been angry and depressed and not really willing or able to think about much else. I think I am starting to turn a corner. I feel like the hope for this next cycle is finally starting to take over all the negative feelings of the past failed cycle.

I go in on Saturday morning for my monitoring appointment. I will bring my Ovidrel shot in case my follicles are ready at that point and I can have them trigger me then and there but I also know now that there is a possibility that, like last time, my follicles will not be big enough and I will have to wait a few more days. Whatever it is I just hope for nice big follicles.

The earliest the IUIS would be on this coming Sunday and Monday but, if I respond slowly like last time they may be scheduled for later in the week. I am excited. Hoping that this will be my month. Trying to stay busy to help the time between appointments go by quickly. Trying to focus and stay positive.

I have found that visualizing myself with the family I desire has helped. Putting positive thought into my mind instead of all the negative that has been hanging around.

4 more days until my monitoring appointment. I know it is only Tuesday but I hope Saturday comes quickly!