Pregnant Women...

It seems like, lately, everywhere I go I see pregnant women or new babies. I see them at the grocery store, at the pharmacy, at church…it feels like literally everywhere I go. It must be that I’ve just got babies on the brain so I notice these things more often but I honestly wish I didn’t. Every time I see a pregnant woman or a brand new little baby I get a twinge deep in my gut. It reminds me all too much of what I currently do not have and plays on my emotions making me worry that it might not ever happen for me. I know I am getting WAY ahead of myself as I have not even started real treatments yet but whatever; this is how my brain works, how my anxieties can take over. And this is the feeling I get seeing complete strangers. Unfortunately when it comes to people actually in my life it is even worse. I know I shouldn’t feel this way and I am not angry about other people being pregnant at all or jealous of them (ok maybe a little jealous of their situation) but knowing others are pregnant or are mothers just reminds me that I am not. In the past week or so I have found out that two friends are pregnant (each with their third child). Each time I cried. I am glad my husband told me and I didn’t have to find out initially from those people themselves because my reactions were less than appropriate (actually any normal person would probably be appalled by my reactions – who cries when they find out a friend is pregnant?) and I would not want that to happen in front of my friends, who, deep down I am truly happy for. Right now it just hurts, a lot, so much more than anything has hurt me before. Hopefully all this pain will be worth it for the feeling of being able to hold my own child in my arms someday (please someday soon!). When I feel sad, angry or frustrated with this whole infertility business I have to hold on to the faith and hope that God will give me the child He knows I desire with all my heart and He will give me this child in His perfect timing.